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Whenever someone refers to me as a musician I can't help but feel like a bit of an imposter. I don't read or write music. I have not "practiced" relentlessly to hone my skills. Julliard has never knocked at my door with scholarships
For the first few years I didn't think it was necessary to call myself anything. But this world is a world of naming and placing, and so I began to wonder what I was if I were not a real musician.
I'm a flute player, I thought. Plain and simple, I am a flute player. But the music that poured through me, especially when I performed with guitar players seemed to be of a different source than this flute player that I thought I was.
Sometimes I'd catch myself stepping back away from the me that was playing the flute, and witness these fingers dancing over the tone holes and this mouth releasing breath and this body disappearing. And when I fully disappeared something else appeared in my place, something higher, deeper, greater, without limitation and self-consciousness, fully Itself without any interference from the flute player that I thought I was.
Perhaps it was a fluke, a momentary fantasy played out by my overactive imagination. But no, it continued and I rode it like some giant, mystical wave, surfing the sound and the feeling and the Greater Life that was living me, playing me as if I were the flute.
And so now I began to think I was the flute in the hands of the real flute player. And hadn't I heard other flute players say, "When I am in the right place, I do not play the flute; the flute plays me." ? That's what was happening to me. There was this aching to connect with the sound, the vibration, the ecstasy of slipping into the void, the total nothingness within which was all that ever was.
I didn't want to think about it, analyze it, murder to dissect. I just wanted to be in it and of it, feeling it carry me out of the limited consciousness that was the normal me.
I don't know at what point I finally realized what I was, and I don't suppose that really matters. There seemed to be a slow evolution of realization of identity that was in progress. I am a flute player I am the flute I am a Healing Artist
I am a Flute Carrier.
I am one among probably many who has been called out to carry the Native American style flute to heal self and others, to remember my true identity as a being of Love and Light. I am a Flute Carrier. Like the Pipe Carrier there is no respite for me if I do not answer the call. So I play often at home and away, in shopping malls and post offices and libraries and hospitals and theaters ( along with the closing credits) and art and craft shows and weddings and funerals.
Fools Crow, a great medicine man of the Teton Sioux, when asked what it was that made it possible for him to have such clear, open and powerful connection to the Creator, replied, "I make myself a hollow bone." It is the same with the Flute Carrier, but in my case it is as if the Creator has made me the hollow bone, emptied me of all that superfluous stuff that says I am separate and apart from divinity, I am limited with boundaries and beliefs and ego-driven fear. So when I play the flute all the illusions of humanhood disappear for me, and I am in the bosom of the Creator again, not separate and apart but participating in the One Life that is Living us all. And when I am in this place of clarity and fearlessness, I am in a place of Love so all-embracing that I return to Light and bring others with me.
This is a place of One Mind, One Heart, One Life, a place of Holiness given as a gift to all Creation, but remembered only rarely while sleepwalking through life in this world.
I am a Flute Carrier because I remember all these things when the flute plays me. I become all these things. These things that we all are. When others respond to the songs that pour through me, they are remembering the Truth about themselves, that they are never separate and apart from the Creator who is appearing in us, through us, as us.
I am a Flute Carrier because I know man was not born to cry but to rejoice in the realization that he is as God created him in spirit, whole and holy, without sin and beloved. I am a Flute Carrier because this is what I have been called out for to remind myself and my brothers.
I am a Flute Carrier. I am a flute. I am.